She runs frantically in the forest...

Introspection

She runs frantically in the forest, sticks breaking underfoot harshly spiking her bare feet, wincing in pain she presses on, she has to escape. She just has too.

Everything around her is spinning, her heavy breath does little to help her breathe. She stops abruptly, confused, her hair blinding her vision. She folds her arms across her chest, her skin clammy and surprisingly cold, she tries to gain a sense of control over her unruly vulnerable confusion. Where is she going? Who is she running from? Why is she running?

‘Just find the damn cabin’ a firm voice of authority instructs her
within her own mind. Find the wood cabin with the campfire nestled deeply within the towering pine trees.

Find it and hide in it.

As part of my personal healing process I write. I don’t know if its any good, but it doesn’t matter because I don’t generally share it. I write because it’s one way I can release my emotions to either escape reality, or find my way back to it.

Lately I’ve been noticing a decline in my health which really came to light when I had a recent event to go to. I stepped tentatively on the scales and my inner voice said if I don’t weigh such and such amount, there was no way I was going to go to the event. Hearing that voice again hit me like a tonne of bricks. I thought I’d overcome ‘all that nonsense’, after all I have a Psychology degree don’t I? But that’s how life is, it doesn’t matter who you are, or what qualifications you have, you’re still human and we are complex little critters!

To answer the ‘where is she going’ in my words above we can play a little you pick the ending type game.

Ending Option 1:

Where is she going?

She is running away from perceived or real threats. She doesn’t want to face them and she wants to go to the familar comfort of avoidance. She misses out on new experiences and developing or fostering connections. She adds to her own isolation and feels even more guilt, self loathing and loneliness.

Who is she running from?

She’s running from herself, she is running from life. It’s not that shes running from the negative thoughts... she’s running directly to them because that’s what she does.

Why is she running?

Because she doesn’t like herself, she feels inadequate, she feels like she doesn’t quite fit in this world, she feels alone, misunderstood, she feels pressure and it’s sometimes almost to much to cope with. It makes her feel frantic and overwhelmed.

Now lets try this again. Option 2

Where is she going?

She needs space, she recognises this and she is taking control to find somewhere private to deliberately collect her thoughts in a calm and controlled manner. She will methodically assess the situation not as a perceived threat, but as an opportunity, an opportunity to enjoy life more and thrive. She will make a true and conscious effort to feel a sense of accomplishment and connection by facing her fears.

Who is she running from?

It isn’t who, its what. She is running from her knee jerk reactions that are her instant emotions. She now realises that she doesn’t need to run from them, rather, that she can give herself permission to momentarily indulge in these feelings but she can choose NOT to remain in them. She needs to search for the small whisper of her logical voice or that little
wishful calling that sounds faraway. She needs to listen that that voice and give it power. She realises that for things to change, she needs to break free of illogical and negative thoughts. They don’t belong in her minds space anymore, they are not helpful and they are hurting her. She wants her mind to be a place of peace and calmness. She can make this happen.

Why is she running?

She is running because she is scared. she has aspects of discomfort or feelings that have previously become ingrained into her persona. She has experiences in the past that have made her weary of people or places. She is smart and she is tentative, but she needs to acknowledge that she can not continue to be or feel scared of people or situations -
that doing so allows them to continue to hurt her. In her new whimsical life, she can be reborn and use the magic
of envisaging the life she wants to
etch a beautiful new mindset that gets her closer to that life.

With the options above, I want you to take a moment to appreciate the power of introspection, to recognise that you do have power over your own thought processes because they are yours. It doesn’t matter who or what has hurt you in the past, it doesn’t matter how or why you have the thoughts you have, what matters is that each day, each precious moment is a chance to get closer to the pure magic that is uniquely and beautifully you.

Jana xx

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