The Sparrow and the Moon
The Sparrow and the Moon
She is in the eye of a cycle.
Her mind is rushed, her words come out jumbled, She can’t quite keep track of one thought from the next.
It’s getting harder to hide from others as her home earth collides with her milky way galaxy.
She is far away, she can sense it.
She needs her coastal cave to lay down in, for just a little while. Her hidden mermaid hollow by the sea.
To listen to the wind break through sailboats, hearing the chime and clutter of metal clanging against the calm, rhythmic tone of the water lapping at the rocks.
In her minds eye, there are prying eyes all around her, meaning no harm, but looking all the same.
They see her as woman well put together, on stage with photos that are just shy of being a model.
They don’t see the countless months and days of anticipation. Her health conditions that stab her insides apart.
They don’t see the glitter of tears that she fights to keep at bay.
They don’t see her heart beat off the charts, her light breath as she stands in front of you in a surreal dizzy realm while she desperately tries to listen, comprehend and retain your words.
Her mind goes to such curious, quirky corners - she fights urges of strange compulsions.. compulsions of a nature that is best left unsaid, to peculiar to spend much time on.
They also don’t see the sudden shift in her energy, it rapidly switches to feeling like she is on top of the world.
She has a sudden cloak of confidence - her blood pumps and rushes like a river just under her paper thin skin. It makes her feel powerful, magical even.
Sounds around her vibrate into her body, she feels euphoric, hyper - every hair on her arms stands up with a giggle of goosebumps.
She is on top of the silvery moon.
And then she falls. Her delicate silk wings giving way, crashing into the ocean.
Everything shifts and she feels excluded from everything and everyone around her.
Unable to contribute to conversations, she bows her head low.
She’s back to not feeling like she fits in, back at ground zero.
She was never one to fit in - but she was also never one to try and force it.
But it’s a lonely place, to suddenly be caged back in ones own mind surrounded by people.
She embarks on her journey again as a lone she-wolf.
She begins her search for her Cave, knowing that the Cove is to bright and beautiful for her right now.
Her Cave is dark and she can sink into the grounds damp earth to rest her weary soul.
She has crossed miles of plains on her own in mere hours.
She is tired, but she is restless and unsettled.
She knows she will be in the cave for awhile, it’s always at least threefold away from the sun.
Her day in the spotlight takes its toil and her fall from the moon has its consequences.
She uses the last of her energy to try to lift a reflective mirror in her palm and she turns it to face it to the world - she needs to be the person people want to see...
She is scared of what will happen if she doesn’t.
This wellness journal is a place to be raw, it is a place to gather thoughts and try to process them to move forward.
I’m upfront that I have lived mental health experience [living]- I’m a walking contradiction I know - but my conditions bless me with insight.
I know there are others like me and it is because of you that I must be real and true.
At this point I normally like to offer some professional psychological insight - but in this case I can’t.
I can only offer this piece of advice:
Trust in Time.
Time will methodologically put things into place.
Accept that Time will be the the sails that guide you.
Use your compass of acceptance.
You must accept that you are different - that you tick differently.
You must accept that with every high comes with a low.
Accept that at the end of the day you can only try your best to balance the different worlds and if you can’t, if it feels like you can no longer keep the lid on your secrets, then there is nothing you can do.
Accept that what will be, will be.
Only you know how hard you tried, you won’t get recognition for that, but YOU know.
People will push you, look at you dismissively when you try to speak your truth, but you must accept it is not up to you to explain everything you are going through - that by doing can bring more harm than good.
Accept that there ARE people that see your little rays of sunshine and they are the people that won’t turn away from you when the rain starts to fall.
You can sometimes be between the sparrow and the moon - but peace and grounding will find you again soon.